Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
