Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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