Don't make out with my wife yet
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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