Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
