For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
