The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
