Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
