Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
