Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
