mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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