remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
