woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
