KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
