I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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