Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize