A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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