i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
