The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
