i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
