Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
