About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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