I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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