It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
