Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
