Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
