dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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