I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
and you fell through a lawn chair
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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