therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
