You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
