nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
