I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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