I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
