The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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