so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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