may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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