oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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