It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
