Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
