Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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