Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
