I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
