FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
