Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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