We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police