Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
