Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.