Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
