Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
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Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms