I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I intend to get homeless drunk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.