shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
How's your threesome situation going?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.