How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.