and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????