im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?