I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
