seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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