Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize