my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
