I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
