walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
