My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
