Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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