Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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