I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
