Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
