you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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