I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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