You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
