I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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