You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
