Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
