woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
