I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
