i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
