i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you win again, gameday.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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