Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
