so explain again why im purple
no
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
