i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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