You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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