I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
