theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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