he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
