In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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