I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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