can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
