Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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