He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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