I hate your face
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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