i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
